


The Fastest Way to a Spider's Heart

by FollowerofMercy



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Cooking, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, F/M, Fluff, Kinda, Mob Muffet, Papyrus (Undertale) Knows More Than He Lets On, Pre-Canon, Rarepair, Sans owes money, Spider Mafia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-24
Updated: 2018-12-24
Packaged: 2019-09-25 18:31:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,912
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17126549
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FollowerofMercy/pseuds/FollowerofMercy





	The Fastest Way to a Spider's Heart

**Author's Note:**

  * For [InsanelyADD](https://archiveofourown.org/users/InsanelyADD/gifts).



Muffet trudged through the frigid hellscape, fur hood pulled down and four of her arms tucked underneath her heavy overcoat. She focused on putting one foot in front of the other, three eyes closed to protect against the sting of powdered snow. It was a journey only she could undertake.

It was time for the weekly collection of bake sale profits from the spiders in the Ruins and, conveniently, time to pay her debtors a visit. The fat skeleton with the illegal hotdog stand owed her blackmail money. She would much rather catch him in a deserted area of Hotland but she never could find him on the road, always a few minutes too late.

No matter. Everyone sleeps sometime.

Trees loomed overhead, casting long shadows. Muffet slogged in silence. She shivered periodically, rubbing her torso and switching exposed arms to try and work some heat back into her frozen limbs. She would gladly carry every spider out of the ruins herself if only she could keep them warm.

But that’s not how things worked. She was cold-blooded, as her customers liked to point out, and her siblings would slowly freeze in her arms. Reunification wasn’t worth their lives.

Muffet broke through the forest to the entrance of the Ruins, a nondescript door nestled in the rock face. She knelt down by a small crack in the wall and whispered the passcode. The scuttle of dozens of tiny legs echoed in the passage and a lone spider poked its head out, holding a single gold coin. More eyes glittered in the dark behind them. Muffet held her purse open for them to drop the coins as they passed their earnings in a conveyor belt.

“Thank you, dearies. You do such great work. Soon we will have enough for a heated carriage, and then you will all come home with me and your siblings.”

The spiders didn’t respond. She promised “soon” every week.

“How are things back there?”  
They whispered back and forth. The week’s profits had been good and the residents of the ruins had more or less left them alone, unlike that _one_ horrid time. Muffet passed them tiny packages of letters from their estranged relatives and took a new shipment of gifts and messages.

“I love you. Be safe, dearies,” Muffet whispered. She caressed the few spiders that braved the cold to wave goodbye, a tiny hug for each, before she stood to leave. She waited at the treeline for them all to return to the safety of the Ruins, then turned to disappear into the forest.

She would hit the skeleton’s house on her way home.

 

***

 

Papyrus straightened from his latest masterpiece – piles of snow suspended by the overhead trees and connected to an expertly-hidden tripwire. Any human intruders would be smothered and preserved, and then! Then Papyrus would get the recognition he craved. He would get the attention that he deserved.  

He circled his contraption for a safety check. He could make his super special sentry traps as deadly as the pleased, since he could supervise and intervene if necessary. However, unattended traps such as these needed to be escapable by Snowdin’s residents. He was a strong proponent of toughing kids up through deadly puzzles, but there should only be the _illusion_ of death.

Then again, all death was an illusion now, wasn’t it?

Papyrus chuckled to himself and smoothed an errant snow clump. Movement in his periphery caught his attention. He spun around with a wide smile and open arms.  
“WELL HELLO THERE!”

The person flinched at his voice, recovered and strode through the clearing with confident steps. Their footprints would lead humans into a false sense of security!

Papyrus smiled and stepped away from the hidden tripwire. “WATCH YOUR STEP, I JUST FINISHED LAYING DOWN A TRAP.”

 Dark eyes glittered from under the stranger’s ice-encrusted hood as they approached. A woman’s voice jittered in a series of clicks, probably from the cold.

“Traps, hmm? For what?”

“HUMANS!” Papyrus flipped his scarf over his shoulder. “I AIM TO CAPTURE ONE AND PRESENT IT TO THE ROYAL GUARD!”  
  


Muffet smiled to herself. Good for the loud skeleton. Too bad the guard couldn’t protect the spiders within the Ruins.

Or even bother to help them escape.

She stepped closer and shrugged off her bitterness. It didn’t matter. She would get the money to save her family and this man was going to help her do it.

“Do you perhaps know the fa-, the heavyset skeleton in Hotland?”  
Papyrus deflated, bright grin tightening into a grimace for a split second. “…YES.”

Relatives then, probably brothers, and apparently compared often. This was an even better bargaining chip than blackmail. She felt giddy even as the cold dulled her thoughts.

“Would you be a dear and pass along a message for little old me?”

Papyrus leapt at the chance to help, to prove his usefulness. “CERTAINLY!”

Muffet leaned in close. “Tell him… tell him that he’s late, and that me and my siblings are growing impatient. We have been hungry for a _very_ long time…”  
Papyrus gasped and put a hand to his mouth. “OH NO! THAT JUST WON’T DO!”

“I’m glad you understand. Now-“  
“YOU SHOULD COME OVER RIGHT NOW AND I SHALL MAKE YOU A HEARTY MEAL!”  
“Wait, what?”

Papyrus snatched up her arm before she could comprehend. “NOBODY IS ALLOWED TO GO HUNGRY IN THE PRESENCE OF THE GREAT PAPYRUS!”

He spun on his heel and led her towards the town of Snowdin, too lethargic with cold to resist. A howling wind drowned out her feeble protests. Besides, invitations to your enemy’s households were rare. She might as well play along, if for nothing else than to get more information on Sans.

 

They arrived in record time. Papyrus ushered her along to the skeleton’s house at the far end of town, shouldered the door open and gestured inside with a curtsy and a flourish. Muffet stumbled in, all arms trembling and numb. Papyrus kicked his boots off and shut the door behind them, frowning at her.

“YOU LOOK COLD. LET ME TAKE YOUR WET JACKET AND GET YOU SOMETHING WARM.”

After a pause, Muffet transferred her wallet to a safe place on her person and slipped out of her jacket. It was an old human thing – not enough arms, but she looked good in it. Papyrus didn’t bat an eye at the unexpected limbs hidden under the jacket, instead beat some of the snow from the coat, hung it up and disappeared into another room. He returned with a massive comforter and an equally warm smile.

“DINNER WILL BE READY IN ABOUT EIGHT AND TWO THIRDS MINUTES!”

Muffet pulled the comforter close around her shoulders, swamped in the smell of moonrocks and MTT cologne, and followed at his heels. Nice man or not, she was watching everything that went into her food.

Unfortunately, he already had a container of spaghetti pre-made. She blinked at the layout of the kitchen while he dumped the pasta into a pot to reheat. Eccentric was a… nice word for it.

Soon the smell of meat, tomato and mystery spices wafted through the room. Her mouth watered at the promise of food and she tried not to stare too hungrily at the stove. Better to stare hungrily at her prey instead. She leaned in close over his elbow while he stirred, sugar and venom dripping from her voice.

“I hope you know what you’re doing, dearie. I doubt Sans would be too happy to find me here.”

“THAT’S JUST DREADFUL! A LADY LIKE YOURSELF DESERVES A WARM WELCOME.”

She didn’t know how to respond to that. She squinted at him for a moment before trying something less subtle.

“Most monsters are scared of spiders, with good reason… particularly for your brother.”  
“PSSH. SPIDERS ARE PEOPLE JUST LIKE ANYONE ELSE.”

She blinked, then straightened, four hands on hips.

 “…You _do_ understand that I am threatening your brother, right?”

Papyrus shrugged. “EH, I’M SURE HE DESERVES IT. NOW, WOULD YOU LIKE HOT COCOA, SODA, TEA, ORANGE JUICE, MILK OR WINE?”

“Um… water, please.”

He poured her a glass and returned to his spaghetti. They waited for it to reheat, Papyrus humming his theme song to himself while Muffet tried to make sense of the past five minutes. Either this man was clinically insane, dense as stone or far scarier than she had anticipated.

…Or maybe he was just nice?

She entertained the thought. It was always best to repay kindness with kindness, and somehow assaulting her host’s brother seemed… wrong. The rest of monsterkind had failed her and her family, but this man had not wronged them yet.  

 

Soon Papyrus ladled a heaping pile of spaghetti on a plate and carried it to the living room. Muffet followed, both hypnotized by the smell of hearty food and suspicious of it. He set the plate down in front of the couch and pulled a stool up to the coffee table across from it. Muffet eyed the arrangement.  
“Aren’t you eating, dearie?”  
“I HAD A HEAVY LUNCH. GO RIGHT AHEAD!”

“I’d rather not eat something made by a stranger,” she said even as her stomach growled.

Papyrus cocked an eyebrow as the last gurgles faded away. “WELL, MY NAME IS PAPYRUS. WHAT IS YOURS?”  
“Muffet.”  
“THERE, WE’RE NOT STRANGERS ANYMORE! ENJOY!”

Much as she hated to admit, it smelled wonderful. Her stomach won the argument – what were the odds he would try to poison her, really? She had a good feeling about him! She rarely had good feelings about people.

Muffet lowered herself onto the couch, comforter swept out around her, and brought the plate to her lap. Papyrus scooted closer and watched while she raised a shaking fork to her mouth and took a tiny, fearful bite.

It was indescribable.  
It was _divine._

She threw decorum to the wind and wolfed down the rest of the plate with sloppy mouthfuls. Lights danced in Papyrus’s eyes while she savaged the helpless pasta.

“SO, DO YOU LIKE IT?”  
She really had not realized how hungry she was. Once the plate reflected light, she dabbed at her gore-stained mouth with a napkin and nodded. Papyrus leaned forward, off his chair and into an awkward crouch.  

“WOULD YOU LIKE SOME MORE?”  
“That depends... what do I owe you?”  
“NOTHING AT ALL! HERE, COME.” Papyrus leapt up and took her by two arms to the kitchen. He threw open the fridge door to reveal containers on containers of preserved ambrosia. “I’VE BEEN LOOKING FOR SOMEONE TO EAT ALL THIS! LORD KNOWS SANS IS NO HELP.”

“I, dearie, I couldn’t. This is too generous.” Too kind. She didn’t know what to do with the gesture.

Papyrus eyed her sidelong. “WHILE IT _IS_ CULINARY PERFECTION, IT’S JUST FOOD. I HAVE PLENTY. PLEASE, TAKE MORE.” He pushed a container into her slack arms. “YOUR ENJOYMENT BRINGS ME HAPPINESS.”  

Muffet glared at him, looked deep into his eyes for any trace of deceit. He returned an earnest, somewhat relieved smile.

“MUFFET, PLEASE TAKE IT. YOU SAID YOU HAD SIBLINGS, CORRECT? THEY’RE HUNGRY TOO? IF FOOD IS A PROBLEM I ALMOST ALWAYS HAVE SOME TO SPARE. YOU’RE WELCOME TO STOP BY ANYTIME.”

She opened her mouth but no words came out. She didn’t, couldn’t trust him completely, but he smiled so insistently and spoke too quickly to be scheming.

Maybe she should try more of the food to make sure it was safe for her siblings.

She nodded and served herself another helping of spaghetti. Papyrus bounced behind her and asked rapid fire questions about her family, her life and her interests in an attempt to be a good host. She gave guarded answers between bites and asked a few questions herself. The loud skeleton gave equally cagey responses about his past but prattled on for half an hour about puzzle theory.

How funny. She came to find dirt on Sans and instead found this delightful little gem.

Once she had finished the first container of spaghetti, Muffet stood and stretched all six of her arms.

“Ahuh, dear, thank you so much for the delicious meal. I hate to do it, but I must head home before my siblings worry. I will… collect my debts another time.”  
Papyrus hopped up to retrieve her coat. “OF COURSE! YOU’RE WELCOME BACK ANYTIME. I AM ALWAYSAVAILABLE.”

He escorted her to the door and muttered, “ _ALWAYS.”_

 

He swept the door open only for a flurry of snow to strike his guest in the face. He slammed it shut before it could bury her. After Muffet blinked the powder from her eyes they moved to the window to watch the raging blizzard.

“HUH. WEATHER CHANNEL SAID THIS WOULD HAPPEN LATER.”

He glanced over at his guest. “…I KNOW YOU NEED TO GET HOME BUT I’D REALLY RATHER YOU NOT WALK HOME IN THAT. YOU’RE WELCOME TO STAY UNTIL IT BLOWS OVER? IF YOU’RE COMFORTABLE WITH THAT, OF COURSE.”

Muffet bit her lip. It wasn’t _too_ much farther to Waterfall, but her siblings couldn’t afford something happening to her. She did not do well in snow. “If you wouldn’t mind.”

Papyrus’s shoulders sagged and he clapped his hands. “EXCELLENT, GO AHEAD AND MAKE YOURSELF AT HOME. I NEED TO CALL MY BROTHER.”

Muffet swaddled herself in blankets once more while Papyrus phoned his brother. He made no effort to hide his conversation and she could hear every word.

“hey bro, what’s up?”

“SANS, ARE YOU ALRIGHT?”  
“yeah, why?”  
“THE BLIZZARD’S EARLY.”  
“eh, guess i'm staying at the resort tonight. you ok?”  
“YEP! I HAVE A GUEST OVER!”

“aww, that’s nice. tell ‘em i said hi.”

“OK!”

Papyrus covered the receiver and whispered, “SANS SAYS HI.”  
Muffet waved. Papyrus paused, an evil grin playing at the corners of his mouth as he returned the phone to his mouth.  
“MUFFET SENDS HER REGARDS! WE’VE HAD THE _LOVELIEST_ CONVERSATIONS.”

She could hear the panic in Sans’s voice from the couch.  
“ _wait_ **who** -“  
“OH WOULD YOU LOOK AT THE TIME! MY SHOW IS ABOUT TO COME ON.”  
“bro don _-“_  
“BYE SANS! SEE YOU LATER!”  
Papyrus hung up and smiled at Muffet curled on the couch. She raised a few eyebrows at him.    
“HE NEEDS TO WORRY SOMETIMES, OTHERWISE HE GETS COMPLACENT.”  
“Oh, dear, that’s messed up.”  
“I KNOW, BUT WE’RE BROTHERS SO IT’S OKAY.” He flopped down on the couch next to her. “SO, WHAT EXACTLY DOES HE OWE YOU? I MIGHT BE ABLE TO HELP.”

“Willing to sell out your brother so fast?”  
Papyrus rolled his eyes and stretched against the couch, arms draped across the back. “I’M SICK OF HIS SHADY BUSINESS. I WOULD LOVE TO TEACH HIM A LESSON SO MAYBE HE’LL GET A _REAL_ JOB. OF COURSE,” Papyrus looked over at her, “ONLY AS LONG AS HE DOESN’TGET HURT. I WANT TO STRANGLE HIM SOMETIMES BUT I DO LOVE HIM.”

Muffet tapped her chin, lost in thought. At length, she leaned over and flicked Papyrus’s nose. “Ah, for you, since you fed me, I will make an exception.”

Papyrus smiled like there had never even been a question. “GREAT! I KNEW YOU WERE REASONABLE.”

Reasonable. Nobody had accused her of that before.

She rather liked this loud skeleton and his flattery.

 

They talked business for a bit. No harm would come to Sans, but oh, he would pay what he owed. He would pay with interest. Muffet enjoyed the playful scheming, a nice change from the doom and gloom of the bakesale.

Work talk turned to family stories, a little less guarded now that they had come to an agreement. They shared favorite adventures, Muffet’s first web in New Home and Papyrus’s accidental journey into a field of echo flowers. Papyrus proved observant, attentive and clever, if lonely. Muffet felt unusually at ease with her equal – her kinder equal, less quick to assume the worst of others. Their conversation eventually lapsed into companionable, sleepy silence. The blizzard howled outside while some inane television program filled the room with noise.

 

Between the warmth, the raging storm, the food and the gentle click of Papyrus’s fingers on his kneecap, sleep wrapped Muffet in its fold. She felt her eyes drooping too late to object. The images on the television swam, lulling her into a cozy haze while she slid closer to her host. She dimly realized that her head rested on Papyrus’s shoulder, now. He stiffened a little at the sudden touch, shifted to look at her, then relaxed.

She was glad he could relax. She would be too nervous, too self-conscious to let down her guard without the fog of sleep, but even sleep could not blind her to others’ discomfort.

A few tense moments passed while Papyrus figured out how to proceed. A dozen possibilities raced through his mind, all unfamiliar. Eventually Papyrus brought his hand down from the back of the couch to rub gentle circles on her arm, careful not to disturb his guest. Too drowsy for embarrassment, acting on reflex, Muffet snuggled closer.

Papyrus smiled and laid his head atop hers. It wasn’t the most comfortable position, but his soul fluttered as he nestled against her. A crick in his neck in the morning was worth the contact now.

Muffet’s breath deepened and slowed, each cycle brining him closer to sleep as well. Only once certain that she rested soundly, Papyrus let himself drift.

The last thing he remembered was the smell of cinnamon and soft hair against his face.


End file.
